'Only then could I accept that Hamilton is a better driver'

Finland's Maria Veitola has a series in which she dives into the depths with various guests. Bottas also dropped by in the series and was candid in Yökylä. The Finn made his debut in Formula 1 in 2013, but Bottas struggled in his second year. He performed well for Williams, but it was never good enough.

Bottas goes over the limit

So he kept training despite physical and mental pain. ''It got out of hand and it became an addiction. An eating disorder was never diagnosed, but it was,'' Bottas said now almost nine years later. The Finn hardly ate anything, trained himself silly and told nothing to those around him. His trainer also knew nothing.

The biggest blow, however, came with the death of Jules Bianchi. The Frenchman, who died in a crash at the Grand Prix weekend in Japan, was a former teammate of Bottas. The Finn did not know what to do with the grief and simply trained on like a robot (as his psychologist would observe). ''I needed a psychologist to recover from that.''

Hamilton is too strong

Bottas found a better balance between top-class sport and maintaining a private life, but at Mercedes it became difficult again. Bottas did everything he could to beat Lewis Hamilton, but finished behind his teammate every year. ''It was hard to accept. Only in the last year could I really accept that Lewis Hamilton is a better driver. Before that, I was always looking for a way to beat him and become World Champion.''

Bottas now seems to have put that dream aside. Last season he joined Alfa Romeo, where he has found happiness again. There he can do what he loves most: racing. With Guanyu Zhou by his side, Bottas is also the clear leader of the team and that also gives much more peace of mind.