GPBlog's alternate 2020 season! Kubica returns? Dutch GP disaster? Albon sacked?

January

The Canadian economy collapses wildly, leaving Lance Stroll and Nicholas Latifi struggling for sponsorship money for the season. Racing Point and Williams then cancel the contracts of their drivers and are on the hunt for replacements. Nico Hulkenberg tells Williams to get lost and joins Racing Point, leaving the backmarkers to promote development driver Dan Ticktum after he won a rap battle against Jamie Chadwick. Not to be outdone, Helmut Marko and Red Bull fire Alex Albon and replace him with Daniil Kvyat.

February

Pre-season testing goes as expected, with Ferrari fastest, Mercedes sandbagging and Williams turning up four days in, but one thing that does catch the eye is Haas’ sponsors. A mystery man has created a new energy drink called Super Force and the name is emblazoned all over the teams’ new blue and pink car. Romain Grosjean and Kevin Magnussen look very silly in the overalls and a man with a huge beard is spotted at the back of the garage…

March

The season begins in Australia and Mercedes weren’t sandbagging! Lewis Hamilton and Valtteri Bottas qualify 7th and 10th. Ferrari take a dominant 1-2 and Sebastian Vettel dedicates his win to his strategists, who have realised finishing first is good. There’s a surprise podium for Esteban Ocon in the Renault, leaving Hulkenberg seething in his less than competitive Racing Point. In his post race interview, the German said: “That could’ve been me if Cyril the squirrel didn’t force me out,” before storming back to his motorhome.

April

The first ever race in Vietnam comes around and the track is completed just in time for racing to begin! Unfortunately, fans are wishing the track was never finished as the race is a snooze-fest. Fans nickname it Abu Dhabi 2.0 and start a petition to never go back there. So of course, the track signs an eight-year deal to stay on the calendar. Hooray!

May

The return of the Dutch Grand Prix is marked by huge celebrations at Zandvoort, with 99% of fans dressed in orange, beginning the Max Verstappen party. It’s suggested in the race briefing that Verstappen should be allowed to win, with the drivers fearing a riot if he doesn’t. Nobody agrees but come raceday Verstappen finds himself leading anyway. He comes home for the victory and is immediately made King of the Netherlands. The Dutch crowd are in tears celebrating their great driver’s success. Until stewards give him a five second penalty for a speeding in the pit-lane, demoting him to third. Oh, and the Spanish Grand Prix happened, not that anyone noticed.

June

The dreaded French Grand Prix gets underway at Paul Ricard and there’s less fans in the stands than engineers in the pitlane. But the fans are missing out, as a race full of controversy, crashes and overtakes makes it the race of the season. Combine that with a podium of Gasly, Norris and Giovinazzi, and we’ve got ourselves a race for the ages. After seeing McLaren on the podium again, Fernando Alonso now stalks Zak Brown, calling him every hour to try and get himself into the team. Brown tells the Spaniard: “Listen Fernando, some things just aren’t meant to be.” Alonso immediately quits from all forms of racing and retires to the Spanish sun.

July

The halfway point in the season is reached and Vettel is leading the championship, which can only mean one thing. He DNFs in the British Grand Prix, allowing teammate Charles Leclerc to take the lead in the title race. In the media pen after the race, the German tell GPBlog’s reporters: “Maybe I just don’t love F1 like I used to. This could be my last season at Ferrari and in F1.” The next week, he turns up at Hockenheim for the German Grand Prix, despite it not being held this year. He texts Mattia Binotto, saying ‘honestly, what are we doing here, racing or ping pong?’ Looks like a spot of table tennis is your only option Seb…

August

It’s summer break time! And after a quiet driver market during 2019, things go crazy in 2020. Marko realises he’s got no drivers left that he hasn’t previously fired (excluding Verstappen of course) so he has to sit and wonder if it was all worth it. Bottas announces he’ll be leaving Mercedes, joining Haas. Grosjean is finally kicked out of F1 after having more crashes than points, Mick Schumacher signs for Alfa Romeo and Kimi Raikkonen looks set for the Haas seat, despite being closer to his pension than his teens. A Mercedes seat is left up for grabs, with Claire Williams locking up George Russell so he can’t move to the Silver Arrows.

September

The F1 season is coming to the business end, signalled by the mass Ferrari fans turning up at Monza for the Italian Grand Prix. Leclerc takes pole and looks set for victory until he’s bizarrely called in for a pit stop. The strategy gamble doesn’t pay off, allowing the resurgent Mercedes team to take a 1-2. Hamilton says he’s #blessed to race for the team and says the title is still on. Dan Ticktum finishes 13th and immediately after the race he declares he’s the man for the vacant Mercedes seat. He says that him being level on points with Russell is proof he’s good enough, but doesn’t take it well when it’s pointed out that they both have zero points.

October

A quiet season so far for Daniel Ricciardo bursts into life as he takes a dominant victory for Renault at the Japanese Grand Prix. After his obligatory shoey on the podium, the Aussie declares that this win is a step to bigger and better things for the French team. The result saves Cyril Abiteboul’s job and the team return to midfield mediocrity for the rest of the season, and all of 2021. Behind the scenes, Hulkenberg is even angrier at seeing his former team get another podium finish, as he records a fifth successive P7 finish in classic Hulkenberg style.

November

A crazy race in Brazil shows exactly why it should be the season finale, but the circus continues to Abu Dhabi, where Bernie Ecclestone comes out of nowhere and decides this race should be a ‘winner takes all’ in a bid to improve the racing. For some reason everyone agrees and the title inexplicably goes to Robert Kubica, who came out of nowhere to race for Ferrari after Vettel gave up on the sport in Austin. The rightful title winner, Max Verstappen, finds Ecclestone in the paddock and tries to start a fight, Brazil 2018 style. He can’t get close to Bernie, with the old man surrounded by fans, and Kubica is crowned champion, becoming Poland’s greatest ever sportsman.

December

Everyone is left baffled at the season ending race, prompting Nico Rosberg to upload a new vlog titled ‘Is F1’s career over???’ The new rules come in and teams are hard at work trying to perfect their car for 2021. A new team called GPBlog Racing joins the grid, hiring Jean-Eric Vergne and Sergey Sirotkin, and their wind tunnel simulations are looking good. Could this be the start of a new era of domination?

Did we miss anything? Give us your own alternate realities of what's to come in 2020 below! We hope you enjoy the season, if it's anything close to our crazy year then we're in for a treat!